Weight This Morning: 160.5lbs
Goal Weight: 150lbs
Mood: Lonely
Well as you can see I have not been posting but I HAVE been working out! I'm getting closer to my goal weight but it's going to be a challenge getting rid of this post pregnancy belly. I just dont even see how it is possible. My stomach looks deformed to say the least.
Today is officially the last day of summer vacation for Rebekah and I cannot believe it is already over! I didnt do as much with her as I would have liked to but overall it was a good summer. Rebekah, Rachel and I were pretty much together every day all day for the past couple of months. Jacob's new job meant that he worked a ton of hours so it was just us girls during their waking hours. I'm glad she's going back to school...I could not stimulate her as much as she needed. I hope she'll enjoy kindergarten in her new school and that she will make lots of good friends. I'm more nervous about her new school than she is...I'm just glad she's a lot more outgoing than I was as a little kid!
So my mood is listed as lonely and that's because although I LOVE staying at home with the kids and I LOVE not having to choose between my family and my job, I feel a little bit left behind by the rest of the world. Even though I feel beyond blessed to be able to stay at home and take care of my family I also feel like I might be viewed as a quitter for not being able to balance work and family. I'm also really nervous at the prospect of returning to work next year after we come back from India. (Yes, we plan to go to India this December.) I wonder how employers will view my job history...I also wonder how I'm going to convince a potential employer that although I do like to work and I really like challenges in the workplace, I have no intention of working a ton of overtime and stealing time away from my family and church. Then there is the flipside of sending Rachel to daycare at such a young age. I cannot even get into the guilt I'm going to have with that decision. I know lots of people do it but I have never wanted to. We were blessed in that Rebekah was with my dad for a long time but I cannot ask him to do that again with Rachel. If he volunteers then I will consider it but I'm not going to ask him. Anyway, hopefully this feeling will pass soon and hopefully, God will provide a smooth transition back to work when He decides it's time. Until then, there is laundry and a sink full of dishes that are calling for my attention!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Finally!
Weight This Morning: 182.5lbs
Goal Weight: 150lbs
Mood: Tired but happy
Per the title of this entry I FINALLY made it to the gym! Lately I've had thoughts about how nice it was to fit into clothes and not be self conscious when going out into public or even at home before I was pregnant with Rachel and I'm really wanting to get back to that place. I am definitely NOT one of those people that is just comfortable with themselves no matter what. So maybe it was this line of thought that finally made me get myself to the gym. Rebekah was home today because they were off for Easter so I waited until Jacob came home from work before I went to the gym. Most days I plan to go during the day and drop Rachel off at my parents' house so they can watch her.
It was a hard workout. I probably pushed myself a little too much considering I'm completely out of shape but so far it doesn't feel like I pulled anything. I hope to be able to say the same thing tomorrow. Now in addition to working out I have to make sure I'm eating well (which is usually not that hard since I typically am good about not sabotaging a work out) and I have to drink a ton of water. Since I'm still nursing I have to make sure Rachel is getting everything she needs. This is going to be hard...I really don't like to drink water. I can and have gone whole days without drinking more than a cup of coffee...this was obviously pre-pregnancy.
Okay so although I really am obsessed with the idea of working out and losing weight I dont want that to be the only thing I think about. I think this blog with help me with that. I have to grow spiritually while I shrink physically. I have something major to work on and that's forgiveness. I never thought I was a person who had a hard time forgiving but it seems like I have to take that back now. These aren't huge grudges that I'm keeping where I have extreme hatred/contempt for people but I physically have to avoid talking to a few people because I'm afraid I will tell them exactly what is on my mind and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I do feel they wronged me or my family but the truth of the matter is they will NEVER see it...if they saw it, it would be one of those "God things" where He just completely changes them/opens up their eyes. So since I'm fairly certain that they will never get it I have to just forgive them AND be ready for them to repeat these offenses because I KNOW they will. At some point I will try to reason with them if something happens again but ONLY if I feel certain that it's coming from God and not from my own anger/irritation. I've been sitting here staring at the screen because I really dont know how I'm going to get myself to not avoid them. It's something I really have to spend more time in prayer about. I talked to Jacob about it a few weeks ago and I was almost in tears because I didnt know how I would ever be able to get over it and what kind of Christian does that make me...Anyway, hopefully in a couple of weeks time I will be able to say that I can be around these individuals and not look for the first opportunity to cut and run.
Disclaimer: I probably will never go back and read my old blogs because I hate re-reading my old thoughts. So if I totally contradict something I said almost two years ago or if I repeat something that I said as if it was a new thought please forgive me! :)
Goal Weight: 150lbs
Mood: Tired but happy
Per the title of this entry I FINALLY made it to the gym! Lately I've had thoughts about how nice it was to fit into clothes and not be self conscious when going out into public or even at home before I was pregnant with Rachel and I'm really wanting to get back to that place. I am definitely NOT one of those people that is just comfortable with themselves no matter what. So maybe it was this line of thought that finally made me get myself to the gym. Rebekah was home today because they were off for Easter so I waited until Jacob came home from work before I went to the gym. Most days I plan to go during the day and drop Rachel off at my parents' house so they can watch her.
It was a hard workout. I probably pushed myself a little too much considering I'm completely out of shape but so far it doesn't feel like I pulled anything. I hope to be able to say the same thing tomorrow. Now in addition to working out I have to make sure I'm eating well (which is usually not that hard since I typically am good about not sabotaging a work out) and I have to drink a ton of water. Since I'm still nursing I have to make sure Rachel is getting everything she needs. This is going to be hard...I really don't like to drink water. I can and have gone whole days without drinking more than a cup of coffee...this was obviously pre-pregnancy.
Okay so although I really am obsessed with the idea of working out and losing weight I dont want that to be the only thing I think about. I think this blog with help me with that. I have to grow spiritually while I shrink physically. I have something major to work on and that's forgiveness. I never thought I was a person who had a hard time forgiving but it seems like I have to take that back now. These aren't huge grudges that I'm keeping where I have extreme hatred/contempt for people but I physically have to avoid talking to a few people because I'm afraid I will tell them exactly what is on my mind and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I do feel they wronged me or my family but the truth of the matter is they will NEVER see it...if they saw it, it would be one of those "God things" where He just completely changes them/opens up their eyes. So since I'm fairly certain that they will never get it I have to just forgive them AND be ready for them to repeat these offenses because I KNOW they will. At some point I will try to reason with them if something happens again but ONLY if I feel certain that it's coming from God and not from my own anger/irritation. I've been sitting here staring at the screen because I really dont know how I'm going to get myself to not avoid them. It's something I really have to spend more time in prayer about. I talked to Jacob about it a few weeks ago and I was almost in tears because I didnt know how I would ever be able to get over it and what kind of Christian does that make me...Anyway, hopefully in a couple of weeks time I will be able to say that I can be around these individuals and not look for the first opportunity to cut and run.
Disclaimer: I probably will never go back and read my old blogs because I hate re-reading my old thoughts. So if I totally contradict something I said almost two years ago or if I repeat something that I said as if it was a new thought please forgive me! :)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Excuses, Excuses...
Weight this Morning: 184.5lbs
Goal:150lbs
Mood: Guilty
Okay so I just checked email - which is something else I'm trying to be better about - and I saw Aubrey's comment and then the excuses I've had for not working out have all come flooding back. I thought about listing them here but why bother. Whatever the excuse the result is still the same...no trips to the gym. I wont make it today either but maybe tomorrow? I have been eating well and that's an accomplishment for me. Typically, if I'm not working out I definitely don't care about what I eat...it's usually all or none.
I feel sorry for my husband. He has been working like a dog lately. He has been leaving very early in the morning and coming back very late at night for the past two weeks. And it doesnt look like things will let up yet. Part of me gets slightly irritated from time to time because that's longer I'm with the kids by myself without help but I know he would much rather be here than there. I'm just praying that God will make things better for him very soon. I miss having him around and I hate to hear him dreading work so much. It brings back memories of last year.
Speaking of last year, I'm nervous about working again. I still have awhile before I have to go back to work but before I know it January will be here. I've really been enjoying being at home. Even when both kids are driving me completely nuts I would STILL choose to be at home with them than work. I like being able to pay attention to them and not be stressed out so much about the limited time I have to clean the house, run errands, take care of the kids and cook food. To be honest, I still dont get time to get everything done but I blame that on Rachel and her ridiculously long feedings. I'm also nervous about being able to get another job. What if no one wants me and we run out of money! I have quit the last three jobs because the hours have been too long. I don't want to get into that situation again. The truth still remains that my priorities in life are my family and church. If work is going to consistently take time away from those activities I'm going to be unhappy again. I feel like some might think that I'm being unrealistic and if it is and I cant find a job that will give me normal hours at least most of the time I'm going to have to get out of finance I guess. God help me if I have to go back to school...
Rebekah is about done eating her apple which means my free time is over. I should read this over before posting but then I dont have time now so forgive me for grammatical errors and for jumping from one thought to the next without any warning.
Goal:150lbs
Mood: Guilty
Okay so I just checked email - which is something else I'm trying to be better about - and I saw Aubrey's comment and then the excuses I've had for not working out have all come flooding back. I thought about listing them here but why bother. Whatever the excuse the result is still the same...no trips to the gym. I wont make it today either but maybe tomorrow? I have been eating well and that's an accomplishment for me. Typically, if I'm not working out I definitely don't care about what I eat...it's usually all or none.
I feel sorry for my husband. He has been working like a dog lately. He has been leaving very early in the morning and coming back very late at night for the past two weeks. And it doesnt look like things will let up yet. Part of me gets slightly irritated from time to time because that's longer I'm with the kids by myself without help but I know he would much rather be here than there. I'm just praying that God will make things better for him very soon. I miss having him around and I hate to hear him dreading work so much. It brings back memories of last year.
Speaking of last year, I'm nervous about working again. I still have awhile before I have to go back to work but before I know it January will be here. I've really been enjoying being at home. Even when both kids are driving me completely nuts I would STILL choose to be at home with them than work. I like being able to pay attention to them and not be stressed out so much about the limited time I have to clean the house, run errands, take care of the kids and cook food. To be honest, I still dont get time to get everything done but I blame that on Rachel and her ridiculously long feedings. I'm also nervous about being able to get another job. What if no one wants me and we run out of money! I have quit the last three jobs because the hours have been too long. I don't want to get into that situation again. The truth still remains that my priorities in life are my family and church. If work is going to consistently take time away from those activities I'm going to be unhappy again. I feel like some might think that I'm being unrealistic and if it is and I cant find a job that will give me normal hours at least most of the time I'm going to have to get out of finance I guess. God help me if I have to go back to school...
Rebekah is about done eating her apple which means my free time is over. I should read this over before posting but then I dont have time now so forgive me for grammatical errors and for jumping from one thought to the next without any warning.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Has it really been THAT long???
My weight this morning: 186.5lbs
Goal weight: 150lbs
Mood: Hopeful and eager
So quite a bit has happened since the last time I got on here...I switched jobs and then I quit that job too, I was within 15 pounds of my goal weight, went to my brother in law's wedding in Puerto Rico, got pregnant, had a beautiful baby and gained all of my weight back and then some and became a stay at home mom! Rachel is the latest edition to our family and she is already six months old. Which means I've had six months to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I digress...I thank God for her...she is as beautiful and as sweet as her big sister.
So after chit chatting with my s-i-l last week at church I decided to start this thing back up again. But I'm revising my goal weight. My goal weight is 150lbs. I got to 154lbs when we went to Puerto Rico and I was very happy at that weight. But 150 is a nice even number. 36.5lbs is a daunting amount of weight to lose but I lost more than that last time so it can be done. The only issue is getting the appropriate amount of recovery/rest every day. I'm having major issues with Rachel's nursing/sleeping. She's bullying me because I have let her. I need to get her back in the crib and i need to get her nursing at a normal schedule. But before I stress about all of that I will just give myself two goals today: Workout AND eat five small healthy meals today.
We are going to Florida in two weeks. I will no doubt still be uncomfortably big for the trip but oh well nothing I can do at this point. I have to make sure that I at least stay on my game for the next two weeks so that I will be happy to continue the good habits while we are in Florida. Prior to the Puerto Rico trip I really had changed the way I ate and that was wonderful; however, once pregnant I succumbed to every pregnancy craving I had. So I'm at that point where healthy food and eating small portions just isn't that appealing to me.
I am thankful to God for helping me memorize a couple of Psalms. I have Psalm 23 re-memorized (I knew it as a kid) and I'm working on Psalm 121. I want to memorize a lot of scripture so that I can just pull from it when needed. I want to have the desire to give more of my life over to God and I think memorizing scripture will help me get closer to that goal. More on that later.
Rachel is ready to eat!
Goal weight: 150lbs
Mood: Hopeful and eager
So quite a bit has happened since the last time I got on here...I switched jobs and then I quit that job too, I was within 15 pounds of my goal weight, went to my brother in law's wedding in Puerto Rico, got pregnant, had a beautiful baby and gained all of my weight back and then some and became a stay at home mom! Rachel is the latest edition to our family and she is already six months old. Which means I've had six months to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I digress...I thank God for her...she is as beautiful and as sweet as her big sister.
So after chit chatting with my s-i-l last week at church I decided to start this thing back up again. But I'm revising my goal weight. My goal weight is 150lbs. I got to 154lbs when we went to Puerto Rico and I was very happy at that weight. But 150 is a nice even number. 36.5lbs is a daunting amount of weight to lose but I lost more than that last time so it can be done. The only issue is getting the appropriate amount of recovery/rest every day. I'm having major issues with Rachel's nursing/sleeping. She's bullying me because I have let her. I need to get her back in the crib and i need to get her nursing at a normal schedule. But before I stress about all of that I will just give myself two goals today: Workout AND eat five small healthy meals today.
We are going to Florida in two weeks. I will no doubt still be uncomfortably big for the trip but oh well nothing I can do at this point. I have to make sure that I at least stay on my game for the next two weeks so that I will be happy to continue the good habits while we are in Florida. Prior to the Puerto Rico trip I really had changed the way I ate and that was wonderful; however, once pregnant I succumbed to every pregnancy craving I had. So I'm at that point where healthy food and eating small portions just isn't that appealing to me.
I am thankful to God for helping me memorize a couple of Psalms. I have Psalm 23 re-memorized (I knew it as a kid) and I'm working on Psalm 121. I want to memorize a lot of scripture so that I can just pull from it when needed. I want to have the desire to give more of my life over to God and I think memorizing scripture will help me get closer to that goal. More on that later.
Rachel is ready to eat!
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