Weight This Morning: 182.5lbs
Goal Weight: 150lbs
Mood: Tired but happy
Per the title of this entry I FINALLY made it to the gym! Lately I've had thoughts about how nice it was to fit into clothes and not be self conscious when going out into public or even at home before I was pregnant with Rachel and I'm really wanting to get back to that place. I am definitely NOT one of those people that is just comfortable with themselves no matter what. So maybe it was this line of thought that finally made me get myself to the gym. Rebekah was home today because they were off for Easter so I waited until Jacob came home from work before I went to the gym. Most days I plan to go during the day and drop Rachel off at my parents' house so they can watch her.
It was a hard workout. I probably pushed myself a little too much considering I'm completely out of shape but so far it doesn't feel like I pulled anything. I hope to be able to say the same thing tomorrow. Now in addition to working out I have to make sure I'm eating well (which is usually not that hard since I typically am good about not sabotaging a work out) and I have to drink a ton of water. Since I'm still nursing I have to make sure Rachel is getting everything she needs. This is going to be hard...I really don't like to drink water. I can and have gone whole days without drinking more than a cup of coffee...this was obviously pre-pregnancy.
Okay so although I really am obsessed with the idea of working out and losing weight I dont want that to be the only thing I think about. I think this blog with help me with that. I have to grow spiritually while I shrink physically. I have something major to work on and that's forgiveness. I never thought I was a person who had a hard time forgiving but it seems like I have to take that back now. These aren't huge grudges that I'm keeping where I have extreme hatred/contempt for people but I physically have to avoid talking to a few people because I'm afraid I will tell them exactly what is on my mind and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I do feel they wronged me or my family but the truth of the matter is they will NEVER see it...if they saw it, it would be one of those "God things" where He just completely changes them/opens up their eyes. So since I'm fairly certain that they will never get it I have to just forgive them AND be ready for them to repeat these offenses because I KNOW they will. At some point I will try to reason with them if something happens again but ONLY if I feel certain that it's coming from God and not from my own anger/irritation. I've been sitting here staring at the screen because I really dont know how I'm going to get myself to not avoid them. It's something I really have to spend more time in prayer about. I talked to Jacob about it a few weeks ago and I was almost in tears because I didnt know how I would ever be able to get over it and what kind of Christian does that make me...Anyway, hopefully in a couple of weeks time I will be able to say that I can be around these individuals and not look for the first opportunity to cut and run.
Disclaimer: I probably will never go back and read my old blogs because I hate re-reading my old thoughts. So if I totally contradict something I said almost two years ago or if I repeat something that I said as if it was a new thought please forgive me! :)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Excuses, Excuses...
Weight this Morning: 184.5lbs
Goal:150lbs
Mood: Guilty
Okay so I just checked email - which is something else I'm trying to be better about - and I saw Aubrey's comment and then the excuses I've had for not working out have all come flooding back. I thought about listing them here but why bother. Whatever the excuse the result is still the same...no trips to the gym. I wont make it today either but maybe tomorrow? I have been eating well and that's an accomplishment for me. Typically, if I'm not working out I definitely don't care about what I eat...it's usually all or none.
I feel sorry for my husband. He has been working like a dog lately. He has been leaving very early in the morning and coming back very late at night for the past two weeks. And it doesnt look like things will let up yet. Part of me gets slightly irritated from time to time because that's longer I'm with the kids by myself without help but I know he would much rather be here than there. I'm just praying that God will make things better for him very soon. I miss having him around and I hate to hear him dreading work so much. It brings back memories of last year.
Speaking of last year, I'm nervous about working again. I still have awhile before I have to go back to work but before I know it January will be here. I've really been enjoying being at home. Even when both kids are driving me completely nuts I would STILL choose to be at home with them than work. I like being able to pay attention to them and not be stressed out so much about the limited time I have to clean the house, run errands, take care of the kids and cook food. To be honest, I still dont get time to get everything done but I blame that on Rachel and her ridiculously long feedings. I'm also nervous about being able to get another job. What if no one wants me and we run out of money! I have quit the last three jobs because the hours have been too long. I don't want to get into that situation again. The truth still remains that my priorities in life are my family and church. If work is going to consistently take time away from those activities I'm going to be unhappy again. I feel like some might think that I'm being unrealistic and if it is and I cant find a job that will give me normal hours at least most of the time I'm going to have to get out of finance I guess. God help me if I have to go back to school...
Rebekah is about done eating her apple which means my free time is over. I should read this over before posting but then I dont have time now so forgive me for grammatical errors and for jumping from one thought to the next without any warning.
Goal:150lbs
Mood: Guilty
Okay so I just checked email - which is something else I'm trying to be better about - and I saw Aubrey's comment and then the excuses I've had for not working out have all come flooding back. I thought about listing them here but why bother. Whatever the excuse the result is still the same...no trips to the gym. I wont make it today either but maybe tomorrow? I have been eating well and that's an accomplishment for me. Typically, if I'm not working out I definitely don't care about what I eat...it's usually all or none.
I feel sorry for my husband. He has been working like a dog lately. He has been leaving very early in the morning and coming back very late at night for the past two weeks. And it doesnt look like things will let up yet. Part of me gets slightly irritated from time to time because that's longer I'm with the kids by myself without help but I know he would much rather be here than there. I'm just praying that God will make things better for him very soon. I miss having him around and I hate to hear him dreading work so much. It brings back memories of last year.
Speaking of last year, I'm nervous about working again. I still have awhile before I have to go back to work but before I know it January will be here. I've really been enjoying being at home. Even when both kids are driving me completely nuts I would STILL choose to be at home with them than work. I like being able to pay attention to them and not be stressed out so much about the limited time I have to clean the house, run errands, take care of the kids and cook food. To be honest, I still dont get time to get everything done but I blame that on Rachel and her ridiculously long feedings. I'm also nervous about being able to get another job. What if no one wants me and we run out of money! I have quit the last three jobs because the hours have been too long. I don't want to get into that situation again. The truth still remains that my priorities in life are my family and church. If work is going to consistently take time away from those activities I'm going to be unhappy again. I feel like some might think that I'm being unrealistic and if it is and I cant find a job that will give me normal hours at least most of the time I'm going to have to get out of finance I guess. God help me if I have to go back to school...
Rebekah is about done eating her apple which means my free time is over. I should read this over before posting but then I dont have time now so forgive me for grammatical errors and for jumping from one thought to the next without any warning.
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